Things I hate today (semi-sleep-deprived edition)

Monkey woke me up to ask if I thought the Dawgs could score a first round upset over Xavier... then he wanted to know how far I thought Stephen Curry could take Davidson... His bracket is driving me BATTY!
So, that's when I remembered that the rigors of scholarship had prevented me from posting yesterday, so here are the things I hated yesterday -- today:

JEWS
You are no longer good for the Jews!

Okay, now I'm not even talking about just Reform Judaism. This counts for secular and real Jews, too. Jews, I'm very upset with you! It seems, at times, you would rather welcome Kevin Costner into your community as a Holocaust survivor than listen to someone talking sense about 60 years of a broken Israel policy.
Why is it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to accept "a plurality of views" among Israelis? Does the next U.S. president have to visit the comatose body of Ariel Sharon in hopes of channeling his captive soul?
Jews, you are embarrassing me. You cannot reasonably become righteously indignant when people discuss the undue influence of the Israel lobby while at the same time you require every major candidate to pander to you by declaring their intention to run US Foreign Policy as if there were no differences between the interests of the US and Israel.
If we really are the intellectually superior chosen people, why do we demand that people treat us like we're stupid?

DENTISTS

Ten years and only two cavities? And you're saying I should see you every six months? Why, because I'm a masochist?
I've just figured it out. If I get one cavity for every five years I don't see a dentist, it will be about 140 years before my teeth rot and fall out. Oh... make that 135 if the dentist guilts me into having my wisdom tooth pulled out. (I'm sorry, DDS, but a week of popping codeine and eating soup is my idea of a Nicholas Cage movie -- not a way of life.) For people who pretend to care a lot about teeth, they sure do like pulling them out.
Besides, anybody who watched the recent HBO movie "John Adams: The Boringest American", knows that people used to do a lot of great things without dentists!

PIRANHAS and MAN-EATING SNAKES

Who asked you?
No, really -- life would be much easier if we didn't always have to worry about being eaten alive.