Boycott the Zohan

You Don't Mess with the Zohan is a morally repugnant movie. I have always wondered how Jewish teens and tweens got away with wearing militaristic Zionist T-shirts to school. It seemed, growing up in American Jewry that part of our socialization passed through a ritual worship of the IDF and Mossad. The below is a copy of a T-shirt print from my sister's high school wardrobe.


This perception of a technically superior Israeli military and intelligence apparatus that can teach us Americans how to wipe out terrorism once and for all has only gained greater force in the aftermath of September 11th. This is despite many bungled and damaging covert operations over the last ten years and increasing reports of sinking troop morale.

Spielberg's Munich most recently broached the problem of the persisting mythos of the Israeli superspy, albeit in an awful, heavy-handed movie, whose only saving grace -- that it was filmed in beautiful Malta -- was undermined by the more appalling fact that Spielberg apparently forgot that there were Jewish actors in Hollywood who could have filled some of those roles.

So, it is all the more surprising that Adam Sandler would choose to coast in for his latest effort on this outdated tall tale of Israeli counter-terrorist perfection in the cuddly story of a former Mossad agent who retires to New York, only to find his services needed in the dismantlement of a home-grown terrorist threat led by some Arab taxi driver (presumption of plot based on trailer) and his pals. It is more sad though than surprising that we have come to simply accept in our culture that Zionist militarism is an invariable positive, and that any Arab national sentiment is suspect and, at best, a potential negative.

So, in addition to calling for a Zohan boycott, I would also like to propose the following idea for an Adam Sandler movie (Any resemblances to Happy Gilmore or Waterboy are purely coincidental) to Hollywood: Don't Tread on Ayyub!

Ayyub is a Palestinian who makes it to Washington, DC, where his patience developed through waiting at checkpoints becomes a valuable commodity for lobbyists. Soon, he becomes the most sought after line-stander on the Hill. However, one day while standing in line, he overhears word of a secret plot by the AYPAK lobby, representing the interest of wealthy Zinconians in the US, to kidnap the Secretary of State and replace her with an AYPAK clone. The only way to stop them is to join the K Street softball league, where the stone-throwing skills of his youth would allow him to take down the powerful plotters within AYPAK. But, can Ayyub save US foreign policy and still win the love of the charming Senate staffer whose boss is fiercely pro-Zinconian? Why not? After all, this is America!