Sunday, Bloody Sunday

For those of you who are inclined to spend your Sunday watching television while pretending to read the Sunday New York Times, I've got good news for you... Apparently to make up for screening White Oleander, last night (I guess they figured all their viewers would be watching KG stencil S-P-A-L-D-I-N-G on Lindsey Hunter's head) my second favorite network is now having a special Fatal Sunday movie marathon. Apparently, the theme is intended to honor the decision of Hillary Clinton to continue her candidacy until Phyllis Shlafly gets an honorary doctorate (who knew?) and despite her pathology for consistently repeating statements that are not only patently false but easily disproven. I'm looking forward to watching the characters in this exciting series of movies use open-ended qualifiers and modalities such as "I find it curious" or "As far as I know" or "I don't know why" or "I'm just saying" or "Saturday Night Live/the AP said" in order to distance themselves from and avoid responsibility for lies, innuendos and vaguely inflammatory turns of phrases, generated by a narcissist's paranoia.

The lineup of excellent movies includes:

The Good Teacher: Fatal Lessons
Just when Samantha gets a grip on her battle with paranoia, she's plagued by prank phone calls, strange family illnesses and a home invasion. Could her daughter's "perfect" new teacher who she befriends be to blame for this hellish nightmare? Or has she just gone mad again with suspicions? Tune in to find out!
Fatal Reunion
Stay-at-home mom Jessica has no clue what to do when she suspects her husband is cheating. Rather than confront him, she turns to an old crush to soothe her jealous soul. But when Jessica tries ending this affair with her man on the side, he becomes a crazed stalker. Now whether she'll be able to save her marriage or her life is anybody's guess!
Her Fatal Flaw
If you think your dating life is hard, check out what happens to poor Laney! Talk about a love hangover: The nice guy this prominent attorney spent last night with winds up being the main suspect in the brutal murder of a Chicago city councilman. If that isn't bad enough, his only alibi is his one-night-stand with Laney. Watch what happens when this talented lawyer puts her career - and her heart - on the line.
Fatal Desire
When a divorced ex-cop meets a sexy, young, married woman in an online chat room, they begin a torrid love affair. As his new girlfriend convinces him that she is trapped in a dangerous and physically abusive marriage, he goes to great lengths to protect her from her violent husband. After he commits murder, he is shocked to learn that the woman of his dreams is not at all who she seems to be.
Fatal Trust
After the death of her husband, Kate moves in with her sister in a small rural community. She soon realizes that the doctor for whom she works is actually a psychotic killer who kills his elderly patients with snake venom. As she begins to unravel his secrets, she finds herself in as much danger as his patients.
From what I've read, only Fatal Desire is based on actual events, although all are plausible and speak pertinently to the dangers that lurk under what we consider rather banal, quotidian decisions. The crazy thing is, the last lawyer with whom I had a one-night stand actually did end up clearing me of a murder charge. It was her goddam daughter's Montessori teacher who killed the guy -- apparently using snake venom.

Speaking of one night stands with single mothers, for those of you who missed it last night, the Style network, which I didn't even know existed, is having an encore presentation of About a Boy today. Which, I find, withstands repetition miraculously. In fact, even if you did see it last night, I highly recommend watching it again, today. And tomorrow... and the day after tomorrow...

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