Things I will get to later

Gossip Girl: As Young Joc would say... It's goin' down!

The ongoing Lebron versus Wiz versus Jay-Z versus lame-ass-frat-boy-Jew-wonk-playahaters- who-think-Jay-Z-invented-rap-and-hate-Allen-Iverson feud!

Hidayet! Hidayet! MIP! MIP!

Hannah Monatana versus Annie Leibomanischevitz!

Lame-ass American expatriates in Paris!

All that and more! After... um... I finish this thing I have to work on...

In the meantime, here's something for you to think about:

Who is Nelly Yukee?

And why wouldn't it be possible for more than one student to get into Yale from what is supposedly a prestigious Manhattan feeder school?

OMFG, Georgina!

S's nemesis arrives. Chuck shows off orange. (Confident in his sexuality or hmm... gay?)
Meanwhile, while the Token Asian Girl hasn't reappeared, B does mention some Asian student... who's apparently pretty good at the SAT's. Go figure!

WWBAD?

It's times like these, when we all need to channel our inner Bryan Adams...

Things I hate today

Grape nut flakes
Flakes
People who try to con--

What?

The Suns are on? Oh...
BRB

About that Dirk thing...

Just to clarify that point I made earlier...
Dirk hates losing

Hillary hates playas


Es tut mir leid, Dirk, I just had to... it ain't personal...
Hillary will never have your ausgezeichnet J.

Experience versus Leadership

What, did you not hear that the Hornets blew out the Mavs for the second game in a row?
Wait... I thought the Mavs awesome playoff experience and J-Kidd steering was supposed to dominate in this series... Come to think of it, Dirk does look a lot like Hillary...

Chris Paul victorious!
New Orleans rises again!

Things I think about while watching MSNBC

Rachel Maddow: "What does that say about Clinton's electability when her campaign's completely broke?" (or words to that effect...)
Damn straight!

Too much Pat Buchanan (he's a raving lunatic who's just blathering from his face) and not enough Eugene Robinson (Let him speak, goddammit Pat, let him speak -- at least he really does know what he's talking about!)...

Nothing new about Pez dispensers from Chris Matthews, but some other things he's saying don't make a lot of sense.



Oh... And David Gregory finally gets the Rocky analogy right!
It takes people 6 weeks to figure out the plot of a Sly Stallone movie? Maybe he is a genius!

Things I hate today

Pirates

Last week, it's French luxury yachts... Now, its Spanish tuna fishers (who, according to one commenter, are of course the "real pirates" -- which makes pirates just that much worse)... Whatever happened to the "Old School" pirates... Pirates these days are all "bitch" this... "ho" that... and I'm like, "Matey, do you kiss your scullery maid with that beard?"

old school pirate

Too much Ginger Ale and not enough Cel-Ray!
If people even overcame the idea "Celery Soda?" and tasted it, I am sure that the world (and designated drivers) would be drinking Cel-Ray and not Coca-Cola. Why doesn't the International Zionist Conspiracy stay on top of these things!



Too much Miley Cyrus and not enough Emily Osment! Hey Hannah, why not giving Lilly one of those both worlds that you're always bragging about!

Zack, for always shitting on Cody and leaving him holding the bag...

...unless I've got that the other way around.

OMFG That's Pathetic!

I can't tell who's more pathetic:
The Wizards or Jenny
I mean the Cavs were gonna let the Wizards back in, and instead, they emptied out their garbage all over Quicken Loans arena... Now they're getting played like Nate Archibald (and I don't mean TINY) got played by Dan's li'l sis'...

So far, no one's come out (my bet is on the above-pictured Jenny due to her just giving up any chance of ever getting nasty with Nate) on Gossip Girl, but they have announced the new Evil Serena Doppelganger figure to be played by Michelle Trachtenburgh, but known to us only by the evocative letter "G"...
At least someone knows how to create suspense!

Finally, Ca Commence....

Early signs of upping the more cerebral aspects of Gossip Girl since the hiatus:
Scene opens on a Balthus meets Brassai dream sequence...
Return of new episodes ushers in some clever intertextuality, as Serena refers to a friend making it into Brody Jenner's cellphone...
Further eeriness is delivered as Penelope's new crew is shown all lined up with spoons, eating yogurt... again a surreal tableau...

In the department of disturbing developments:
Token Asian girl has disappeared, leaving token black girl to carry the CW's minority audience all by herself...
Girls all eating yogurt, but it doesn't look like Activa brand -- what a faux pas!

Job opening at TNT?

Marv Albert just tells Reggie: "Now, Reggie, of course me trying to talk about rap music is like the Tsar (sp?) trying to talk about French literature!"

So, does that mean NBA on TNT is looking for someone to talk about French literature doing game commentary? I'm your man, people. Call me!

By the way, does Marv talk about French literature? Why didn't he just compare his talking about rap like his talking about French literature... or has he been keeping that secret to maintain his cred? Of course, I don't want to start a discussion here about Marv's cred... that could turn ugly, quick.

B versus Chuck: XOXO

Enough talk. Now it's time to throw down!
Gossip Girl fans across the nation are getting revved up for the continuation of Gossipdom...
We don't have to care anymore about the Chace-Carrie breakup; the Penn-Blake rumors; the Chace-Jessica rumors; the Chace queer rumors; the Penn-Chace homosocial vacation-going; the endless string of club sightings.

Now, we can blissfully let truth recede and fiction hold sway once again...
XOXO

Wizards-Cavs Update

End of Quarter 1: Lebron again gets a fingernail stuck between his front teeth. What's up with that? If it's always so painful, he might want to quit biting his nails...

Wizards look crisp and tough, except when letting Lebron into the lane and when they miss a bunch of free throws to let the Cavs open up a five point lead at the end of the quarter.

NBA Playoff Turk-Watch: Memo gegen Hedo, Rd 1

Mehmet Okur and Hidayet Turkoglu are now each at the Uludag of their games. Their teams are fighting for playoff respect. On the road to a sampiyonsip, one question must be answered: Which Turkish baller would make Ataturk most proud...
So far,
Memo has 4 points on 2 for 8 shooting with 8 rebounds, 3 assists and 2 turnovers in 32 minutes during the Jazz's game 1 win.















Meanwhile, in the Magic's In-grown Toronto-nailing, Hedo scored 21 points on 9 for 15 shooting, adding 6 dimes and 6 boards in his 38 minutes.

Round 1: Hedo

Things I hate about This Week

Umm... How did it happen that the falsehood that if you raise capital gains taxes it lowers revenues gain common currency -- with absolutely NO examination in the media?

Umm... How convenient is it that -- post 21st debate outrage -- G-Steph gets to surround himself with the biggest softball, dumb-as-dirt panel: Sam & Cokie and G-Will? What about regular Katrina VandenHovel, who was deeply from her Nation podium? I mean, by skirting any real confrontation about their debate, how does ABC re-establish its bonafides?

By the way, remind me how such relentlessly stupid people are allowed to opine on television?

Umm... I have spent the last several weeks being appalled by Hillary Clinton. After listening to McCain today, I am super-appalled by McCain. The winning strategy for Obama, I think, is to challenge him sufficiently in debates on the issues about which McCain is clearly just blowing snot out of his ass... until McCain gets so pissed off that he scares away all voters -- or gets an aneurysm (whichever comes first).

By the way, Cokie is currently arguing for the continuation of "business as usual in Washington" on the grounds that she seems to believe Obama is proposing constitutional revisions that eliminate "checks and balances." Too bad that's already been done...

Curtis' take on Reverend Wright controversy

Ray Billingsley offers this savvy take on Jeremiah Wright:

Basically, you hear what you want to hear, until you don't. And when you don't, you call the pastor "Crackers."

Meanwhile, Dagwood doesn't wait even one whole day before breaking Passover.


And, I'd like to ask all my readers who work in the national security milieu to verify whether Defense Department lunches are always like this:



P.S. ASM, dude, I'm working you out of a job here. You're little Menage-a-Lederhosen better be worth it...

Patriotism = Death

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution's resident-Robert-Novak interprets Obama's discourse on patriotism as "bribing veterans":

It is ultimately not about presidents and generals performing roles. It’s about the sons and daughters of America and of our national honor and ultimately, of course, about national security and the world our children will inherit.

Patriotism in a president is not about calling ordinary soldiers heroes. It is not about giving them things of material value. Nor is it about putting them on an exit plane while the people they betrayed watch in horror at the emptiness of our promises. It’s about making it possible for those who answered their country’s call to duty to look themselves in the mirror for the rest of their lives.

Yeah... under current circumstances, that's not a lot of time to look in that mirror.

Thanks, but a card will suffice

Atlanta's monument to Andrew Young: at least the arms are practical!



Please, don't honor me like this...

Worst week ever

What is hell? My own personal definition has always somehow incorporated Chris Noth... whether it is spending an eternity in the same room with the man, or an eternity watching him on television in one of those Crime Scene Investigation shows.
I believe, though, that some more Christian-leaning folks may see hell as the opposite of, say, heaven; and some Christians accede to heaven by resisting temptation on earth. They stand to benefit, one assumes, by reaping a reward in the afterlife. In this case, wouldn't hell be a place of eternal temptation where everything in which you wished to indulge was laid out before you but... just... out... of... reach?

Well, that's kind of what this week is for me. In its infinite wisdom, the University of Georgia has somehow decided to make the multiple-final-project-inducing final week of spring semester coincide with all of the following:

• The start of the NBA Playoffs
• The return of Gossip Girl with new episodes

• Around-the-clock coverage of the Pennsylvania primary

• The opening in theaters of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo

3-20

That's what the Wizards shot from the floor in the 4th quarter. Hmm... What would Denny Green say?

Feeling numb?

After that last, game-tying trey, I am given to speculate as to whether or not Deshawn Stevenson can feel his face...

The reason Lebron bites...

... his nails: No cure yet found for Steven A. Smith and Bill Walton.

U-G-L-Y

End of 1st half --
Cavs get David Stern bonus points to even out the score...
Cleveland highlights leagues UGLIEST players: Delonte West and Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

Mathematics

Agent Zero gives the Cavs a lesson in mathematics, as he reviews his exponential tables: drains 3 3s in a row....

Playoffs, Baby, Playoffs!

One quarter down: Agent Zero drains an impossible 3 as time runs down.
Lebron gets one of his fingernails caught between his teeth; cries for a foul; gets a timeout instead...

Bryan Adams is a G

So... um... someone pointed out that I will run out of Bryan Adams videos to post very soon. So, to put a little water in our wine we (at least I hope ASM is with me on this)... we are now posting great works by heroes who seem to capture the spirit of his art -- if not his tousled, rugged Canadian-Maltese virile manself.



Please, this one's on me. Start your day out right, buddy...

Awesomeness's Awesomest Advent

As many of you have understood, it has been my long held principle to make this forum something other than your usual, ubiquitous boring political blog. After all, I don't really have anything interesting to say about politics and am far too lazy to come up with something to say on the subject on a daily basis.

But, what with ASM AWOL, off still basking under the luminous golden tresses of Heidi and Dagmar in Kitzbuhel -- to return G_d know when, I have been lacking my straight man foil for several weeks, now, and instead, just find myself relegated to sitting at home, gnawing on matzoh bones, occupied at some or the other odd research project and indulging in idle, sophistic musings that end up crushed under foot like so many matzoh bones.

In this context, it is with even greater impact, then, that I have witnessed the flap of the pre-PA-primary season: "Bitter-gate." Now, it has been a source of great civic pride for me to have had the opportunity to attend in person two Obama speeches -- once in 2005 and again just about six months ago -- and, more than the of the brilliant oratory and bright concepts, one is aware of this quite unique characteristic of Senator Obama: He has complete trust in his audience's ability to judge him on his merits.

Now, it would be nice to dismiss this apparent fearlessness or self-confidence as merely a handy political skill. But it seems ever clearer, the more this campaign progresses, that he genuinely does not distinguish between the people whose voices he wishes to represent and his own voice. I have not, in any speech, debate or other venue, seen him condescend to the crowd or try to appeal to a pre-formulated, targeted set of talking points in order to generate some false sense of solidarity. It's not so much that he "says what's on his mind" as much as he appears to be negotiating the space between where he stands and where he thinks you stand. The result is an openness that, in my view, fosters a mutual respect that tends to validate both parties. And it is really this willingness to sincerely and openly negotiate that space that makes Obama an entirely unique, once in a lifetime candidate. (Of course, those of us Illinoisan cannot help but see, in these traits, an incarnation of the Paul Simon ethos but sans bow tie -- thus a twice in a lifetime candidate for the Land of Lincoln.) In any case, all this just to preface showing yet another brilliant parry to the "Bitter-gate" flap:

Bitter? No, I'm just waiting for someone to fight for me!

Unfortunately, I have volunteered (on behalf of a select community of academics) to lock myself in a room with Ben Smith for the entire weekend -- no, don't worry, only the hypertext marked-up version... So, my blogging may be a bit weak in the next few days -- but, afterwards, what technique I'll have learned!

Anyway, in anticipation of tomorrow's excellent Lifetime Original Movie (LOM) The Memory of My Daughter's Keeper, I couldn't help but bring some tidings on the campaign from the Lifetime front. Ahh, CW you may have my MIND, but Lifetime will always have my heart!!!!!!!

In which Dear Prudence explains Hillary's Demo

You thought I was the only one who can dole out advice, relationship or otherwise. Well, actually, Slate's Prudence does an awful good job of it herself. Today's column reveals the truth behind Hillary Clinton's demographic:

I'm associated with a group of corporate ladies, all of us in our 60s. We are giving a 65^th birthday tea for one of our friends, using her guest list. It's a mixed group of women, and most people don't know one another. So the other hostesses have insisted on name tags. I hate the idea. This is not a corporate affair; it's a private party. I think it's insulting to the guests (there are only 20 of us) and indirectly a reminder of our age and our memory capacity. I'm in the minority and going along with the group (although my name tag will disappear like chewing gum under the seat sometime during the tea). But, for future reference, so I can come armed with an objective opinion the next time this occurs: What is modern etiquette on name tags? Has the corporate world so permeated our private lives that we actually think this is proper? By the way, I remember a Hillary Clinton fundraiser years ago, where a very savvy Washingtonian removed her name tag before having her picture taken with Hillary—it made her look more like a friend. Stupidly, I kept mine on.

Just one note, here. Lady, don't crumple your name tag and leave it under the table!!!! That's such a pain for the service to pick up. Put it in your purse lady... Maybe you'll bury it there with your Clinton vote.

Memphis wins!

Have you asked yourself: "Who really won last night?"
Well, according to my data, there is no way that Kansas actually won an NCAA title last night. Memphis was actually leading in all major categories that count. Also, think of the psychological pain that it will cause to these kids -- FOREVER -- to know that they were on the path to certain victory, and they lost because of something called missed free throws! Do words mean anything anymore? They're called FREE throws for Chrissakes! You might as well call 'em AUTOMATIC points!

Do you really want this guy to go through the rest of his life like Chris Webber, the bitterness of having won before losing it hanging around his neck, weighing down his talent, until all the sweetness slips out of his sick game like a rotted plum... and he will ever be, the rest of his life, this close to a championship...

sigh

And if that ain't enough

For more in the annals of Profunditry, stay tuned to the Daily Show tonite. Special guest: COKIE ROBERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will she create a rhetorical moebius strip by repeating everything everyone else has said but in her unique, flattening dialect of Stupidian? Will she pretend that she has her finger on the pulse of the average joe, when she actually has her finger dipped in warm water and SHE'S SLEEPING?

XTRA XTRA!

HOLY CRAP

The greatest public intellectual since H L Mencken, proves once again his relevance. Richard Cohen tells us today that past speeches weren't enough: Obama must talk some more to white people or risk becoming Michael Dukakis!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Feel for You...

...I think I loooooove you.



Sasha Kaun Sasha Kaun Let me rock you Sasha Kaun

Chris Noth's ass getting xeroxed

ASM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where I been? Where you been, man?
I'm so happy to know you're alive!
I'm afraid I can't take you up on your offer to join you in Kitzbuhel, though. You may have heard about -- like -- all my final project work that's up in three weeks... Send my Grusse to Dagmar and Heidi!
Anyway, I thought you might like to get a load of this.

ALIVE!

Yo, LIJ, Where the frog are you?
You despondent about not seeing me or something?
Don't worry, it's all gonna be OK! I'm a comin' back... sometime. I've discovered how to love life again. I saw the following poem in the comics yesterday, and it got me to thinking:

PATCH UP THE HOLES
PATCH UP THE CREASES.
PATCHE UP THE CRACKS.
PATCH UP THE PIECES.
PATCH UP THE CUTS.
DRY UP THE TEARS.
PATCH UP THE HEARTS
THAT'S BEEN BROKEN FOR YEARS.
PATCH UP THE PAST.
STOP THE INTERNAL TALKING.
PATCH UP YOUR BOOTS.
AND JUST START WALKING.

Yeah, that's right. I saw it in Night Lights and Fairy Flights. It got me wondering about that penultimate period. Isn't "and just start walking" part of the same sentence as "patch up your boots"? Anyway, it's been a time of renewal for me... Seriously.

I landed in Kitzbuhel about a week ago. That's right. I've spent the last week with Dagmar and Heidi. They've foregiven us everything!

More than that: Using their milk money, they have paid off my bookie. So, I can come home now. Maybe after a few more days of hitting the slopes and living in the clean air. Dagmar sends her love. She says she hasn't forgotten you.

You should come join us.

Everything I do

I never before suspected that the pan flute could do justice to the greastest songster of eour generation...