20071114

A dangerous but insipid woman

YO, Sasha Cagen! You can't hide from the truth anymore! That's write! I'm talking to you ad feminem!
Everybody else, you can listen in, too...
I don't know what kind of monkey pictures you have of Mr. Blogger, but it must be somethin' real hein... 'cus you know what... I go to login to my blog like just to obsessively hate on Chris "I feel like I'm back in Arabian Nights" Noth, when I find Mr. Blogger trying to send me not only to consult your stupid To-Do_List blog, but they also want me to buy your book. Why? Who cares what people make stupid to do lists about. I never make to do lists. Because I'm smart enough to procrastinate.
Anyway, I want everybody to know the truth about you:

SASHA CAGEN IS A CRYBABY WHO EATS GROSS THINGS IN A MANNER THAT GROSSES OUT EVERYBODY AROUND HER. SHE THINKS SHE'S SMART BECAUSE SHE STARTED A ZINE BACK WHEN ZINES WERE ALL THE CRAZE BUT SHE'S REALLY JUST A STUPID NINCOMPOOP WHO SPENDS HER HOURS OBSESSIVELY HATING ON PEOPLE WHO SHE THINKS HAVE WRONGED HER. AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO TURN A BUCK OUT OF PIECES OF PAPER THAT PEOPLE SEND TO HER BECAUSE SHE SHAS NO OUNE OF CREATIVITY AND NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OF HER OWN. SHE WORE BIRKENSTOCKS IN COLLEGE UNTIL PEOPLE MADE FUN OF HER. SHE EATS GROSS THINGS THAT PEOPLE LEAVE BEHIND ON THEIR PLATES. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF SASHA CAGEN'S OWN TO-DO_LIST FROM TWELVE YEARS AGO:
1. EAT SOMETHING GROSS WITH MY FINGERS WHILE LEANING OVER ON MY CHAIR LIKE GOLUMN.
2. CRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DONE ME WRONG.
3. CRY ABOUT PERCEIVED SLIGHTS.
4. SAY THAT I'M BISEXUAL.
5. WRITE CRAZY TALK ABOUT BISEXUAL RIGHTS.
6. LAMELY TRY TO HURT PEOPLE TO MAKE UP FOR THE HURT I FELT.
7. TRANSFER TO BARNARD BECAUSE I'VE SHOT MY REPUTATION.
8. SPEND MY LIFE BEING USELESS AND ANNOYING UNTIL I CAN GET PAIDE FOR IT.
(not exactly in that order... results may vary)
HA HA HA HA. YOU'RE A BAD PERSON SASHA CAGEN!

1 comment:

Beats and Mods said...

What would Angry Surrender Monkey's to-do list from 12 years ago have looked like? Heh. Maybe I'll post it for him.