Tshimanga Biakabatuka...
Is that Tshimanga Biakabatuka? We're all going to die!
20071223
Reports of my demise
Have been way overblown! Dude, like I wasn't even in a coma... as some have suggested. Yes, I did cause the rollover accident. LIJ and I were arguing over whether it was worse to wath an episode of Law&Order: Crimes instense or to watch Sex & the City (by the way, you'll note the flagrant abuse of the ampersand in every devious Chris Noth enterprise) and I guess the argument got a little heated and then I just tried to run him off the road. But the moral is that we're all okay. Fine? Fine!
Hawks versus Wizards
Something said at the end of the nail-biting Wizards loss to the Hawks at Verizon Center on Friday brought a tear of nostalgia to my eye.
Mr. guy-talking-about-the-game for SportSouth said that this was the first time the Hawks beat the Wizards in DC since April 2003 when they won eighty-some to 78. Well, all of a sudden it hit me that I was there when that happened and reminded me of how far we have come since those days, bringing in Agent Zero and Caron "The Butler Did It"... Come back soon guys...
Mr. guy-talking-about-the-game for SportSouth said that this was the first time the Hawks beat the Wizards in DC since April 2003 when they won eighty-some to 78. Well, all of a sudden it hit me that I was there when that happened and reminded me of how far we have come since those days, bringing in Agent Zero and Caron "The Butler Did It"... Come back soon guys...
Gossip Girl Update
We saw some redeeming material on this past week's X-Mas edition of our new/old favorite show. First off, there was NO Guitar hero action.
Second, there were some poignant touches of realism. Serena learned that when a guy doesn't wear a watch... it's because he doesn't wear a watch, not because he's waiting to buy you a real expensive one. It was further quite believable to cast Dan as a promising young writer with work published in the New Yorker. Finally, Vanessa revealed herself to be simply overbearing in the "best friend" role, and ASM and I were happy to see her called out by Blair. Who would think of such stupid X-Mas gifts anyway... I was actually hoping that Serena would have all her hair cut off, and Dan would buy her some bobby pins or mousse or something.
The newly introduced Roman character was a breath of fresh air. It was good to see French finally peppered liberally on such a high-profile television show. The choice of "Roman" as a name is significant, in part due to its echo of the highly novelistic plotting of the show. A mirror along the boulevard indeed! (This line of though is invalidate, however, if his name is actually Romain, and the pronunciation of the characters was just off.) Here's hoping for future appearances of Roman in this excellent drama.
Another thing... what's up with no one involved in the show having a normal name: Penn? Blake? Leighton? Chace? What's up with that? No Amare or Gilbert? I guess my progeny won't have the opportunity to be in a show as good as Gossip Girl.
Lastly, congrats to the GG team on being named by People magazine as one of the top ten TV shows of 2007. Well deserved laurels, if you ask me.
A note about our posting: As some of you know, Monkey and I faced certain complications during our migration from the North Central AZ to Athens, GA. This has deprived us of computer and Internet access for some time. Otherwise, of course, I wouldn't have waited so long to comment on last week's episode.
A shout out to the fam for allowing use of their Internets.
Second, there were some poignant touches of realism. Serena learned that when a guy doesn't wear a watch... it's because he doesn't wear a watch, not because he's waiting to buy you a real expensive one. It was further quite believable to cast Dan as a promising young writer with work published in the New Yorker. Finally, Vanessa revealed herself to be simply overbearing in the "best friend" role, and ASM and I were happy to see her called out by Blair. Who would think of such stupid X-Mas gifts anyway... I was actually hoping that Serena would have all her hair cut off, and Dan would buy her some bobby pins or mousse or something.
The newly introduced Roman character was a breath of fresh air. It was good to see French finally peppered liberally on such a high-profile television show. The choice of "Roman" as a name is significant, in part due to its echo of the highly novelistic plotting of the show. A mirror along the boulevard indeed! (This line of though is invalidate, however, if his name is actually Romain, and the pronunciation of the characters was just off.) Here's hoping for future appearances of Roman in this excellent drama.
Another thing... what's up with no one involved in the show having a normal name: Penn? Blake? Leighton? Chace? What's up with that? No Amare or Gilbert? I guess my progeny won't have the opportunity to be in a show as good as Gossip Girl.
Lastly, congrats to the GG team on being named by People magazine as one of the top ten TV shows of 2007. Well deserved laurels, if you ask me.
A note about our posting: As some of you know, Monkey and I faced certain complications during our migration from the North Central AZ to Athens, GA. This has deprived us of computer and Internet access for some time. Otherwise, of course, I wouldn't have waited so long to comment on last week's episode.
A shout out to the fam for allowing use of their Internets.
20071123
Angry Surrender Monkey's Ode to a Thanksgiving Turkey
"Gobble gobble," sayeth the Turkey.
"Gobble gobble, for I am not tofurkey.
"If thou stick'st me with thy fork,
I shall slap thee like Mickey Rourke;
"And if thou stick'st me with thy knife,
Then surely shall thou take my life;
"But if thou stuff'st me like turkducken...
Then I shall take thee outside for some
good Chinese food.
"Gobble gobble gobble gobble."
20071115
20071114
Gossip Girl: "Seventeen Candles"
Speaking of narcissism and bourgeois entitlement...
As many of you already know, Gossip Girl is my new favorite TV show. But I was troubled by this evening's episode, "Seventeen Candles", because I am afraid that it may have just jumped the shark. Why? Well for those of you who watched the show, you will know what I'm talking about when I say just these two words: Guitar Hero. I'm sorry but did watching Blake Lively jam to "Free Bird" while playing guitar hero just totally kill the character's believability? The show may have recovered were it not for the very fake scene toward the end when Serena and Vanessa began bonding over... Guitar frickin' Hero.
Now, I imagine that if Monkey ever bought me guitar hero for Chanukkah (hint hint), I would probably enjoy it. But that doesn't mean that I want to watch people taking it seriously on TV! And who wrote this episode? Skynyrd? Warrant? It's bad enough that the actors playing seventeen-year-olds are between 20 and 22 -- which is still good by 90210 standards -- but they now remember the 80s, and have the musical sensibility of a guy in his early to mid-30s?
OMG ;<>
Anyway, getting back to the episode:
Jenny and Dan's mom's head is creepy. She looks like an alien fetus with a blonde wig. I wish they would bring back Annie Camden instead. Now, that's a woman what looks like a mother.
I was never invited to parties in high school. Did I miss out on sashimi?
Did you know that "Token Black Girl" and "Token Asian Girl" who sit around and offer moral support to Blair and Serena but never are incorporated in the plot actually have names? (They're Isabel and Kati, respectively.)
Now, for those of you who do watch Gossip Girl, I just wanted to mention that I find it refreshing in its insistence upon stasis. For example, I would like to briefly address its major differences with one of the greatest primetime soap operas ever: Melrose Place. Melrose Place owes much of its success to its ability to keep suspense going from episode to episode by undermining the notion of character. The characters got chained to the monster truck wheels of the plot and, as a result, seemed to end up splattered on a variety of carny rides. There was no need for motivation, because actions prevailed. Thus, you never knew when so-and-so would break up with what's-her-face to begin sleeping with the doctor guy, before going on a psychotic murderous rampage and killing Jim-Belushi's-TV-wife chick. Or whatever... as you can tell, its been a while.
Now, after a couple of episodes of Gossip Girl, one of my friends said "Well, what's going to happen now, since Dan and Serena are already together?" -- as if this were supposed to be some kind of Scully-and-Mulder or Dempsey-and-Makepeace type of show. No, the genius of Gossip Girl is not that it's about anticipating what's not going to happen, but rather hoping that things stay the same. The suspense of Gossip Girl rests on the ability of the character's to stay the same. Thus, each episode reveals their attempts to minimalize plot in order to maintain what they have, rather than pursuing change.
Dan has to keep his new squeeze while not becoming like Nate and Chuck. Blair has to show emotion, but remain solidly unsympathetic. Chuck has to be the bad guy in every episode. And Nate has to be the pouty, misunderstood rich kid. Serena has to balance glamorous with sensitive. In a way, each character is yearning for adulthood, and yet incapable of maturing, because the trappings of adulthood are already theirs. Perhaps this conundrum of stasis is best embodied in Dan and Serena's failure to consumate their relationship in the previous week's episode.
In fact, is Gossip Girl the new Bugsy Malone?
Okay, ASM, I'll let you on the computer, now...
Reading the Tea Leaves of Monkey's Anger
Since I have a second while my new favorite show, Gossip Girl (more on that later), goes to commercial break, I just wanted to clarify a few things about ASM's recent posts.
First, dastardly Chris Noth's birthday is actually on the 13th... it's just that Monkey procrastinated again and didn't get his post in until Midnight.
Second, as for the vitriol directed at Sasha Cagen -- yes, she does suck that bad -- it's just part of Monkey's make-up to drink until he dry heaves and cries as a way of marking Chris Noth's birthday, which I guess is what gave way to his uncontrollable rage directed toward his erstwhile acquaintance. However, had he been more lucid when he was blogging last night, he may have had the presence of mind to Google Sasah Cagen, and remember that she is also the famed appropriatress of the term "Quirkyalone" which also became a book back in 2004. Now, I can't tell if her goal was to up-sell narcissism, or rather to try to put a brand name on normalcy that only narcissists would adopt as something life affirming. Either way, the same dynamic is at play in this new effort. All I can say is that it ends up with her coming out as a kind of humorless version of Dimitri Martin's Trendspotting persona on the notable Daily Show segment.
Now the question that this raises for me is whether she resorted to the To Do List concept because some guy called Bill Keaggy had already taken up the Grocery List niche, published earlier this year in the form of a book as Milk Eggs Vodka.... And ultimately, when people are provided everything (educational opportunities, summer homes, grade inflation, coteries of New Yorkers) does it then become impossible to actually generate original content? Does one then become content to merely pick through the garbage of the quotidian in order to become the first sly devil to trademark what other people have done? Has our cultural production become the book/blog equivalent of trading in derivatives? The rapid decline of contemporary French literature (before Houellebecq came along to save it from irrelevance) was similarly marked by the same flavor of narcissistic, bourgeois revelry in the status quo.
And on that note...
First, dastardly Chris Noth's birthday is actually on the 13th... it's just that Monkey procrastinated again and didn't get his post in until Midnight.
Second, as for the vitriol directed at Sasha Cagen -- yes, she does suck that bad -- it's just part of Monkey's make-up to drink until he dry heaves and cries as a way of marking Chris Noth's birthday, which I guess is what gave way to his uncontrollable rage directed toward his erstwhile acquaintance. However, had he been more lucid when he was blogging last night, he may have had the presence of mind to Google Sasah Cagen, and remember that she is also the famed appropriatress of the term "Quirkyalone" which also became a book back in 2004. Now, I can't tell if her goal was to up-sell narcissism, or rather to try to put a brand name on normalcy that only narcissists would adopt as something life affirming. Either way, the same dynamic is at play in this new effort. All I can say is that it ends up with her coming out as a kind of humorless version of Dimitri Martin's Trendspotting persona on the notable Daily Show segment.
Now the question that this raises for me is whether she resorted to the To Do List concept because some guy called Bill Keaggy had already taken up the Grocery List niche, published earlier this year in the form of a book as Milk Eggs Vodka.... And ultimately, when people are provided everything (educational opportunities, summer homes, grade inflation, coteries of New Yorkers) does it then become impossible to actually generate original content? Does one then become content to merely pick through the garbage of the quotidian in order to become the first sly devil to trademark what other people have done? Has our cultural production become the book/blog equivalent of trading in derivatives? The rapid decline of contemporary French literature (before Houellebecq came along to save it from irrelevance) was similarly marked by the same flavor of narcissistic, bourgeois revelry in the status quo.
And on that note...
A dangerous but insipid woman
YO, Sasha Cagen! You can't hide from the truth anymore! That's write! I'm talking to you ad feminem!
Everybody else, you can listen in, too...
I don't know what kind of monkey pictures you have of Mr. Blogger, but it must be somethin' real hein... 'cus you know what... I go to login to my blog like just to obsessively hate on Chris "I feel like I'm back in Arabian Nights" Noth, when I find Mr. Blogger trying to send me not only to consult your stupid To-Do_List blog, but they also want me to buy your book. Why? Who cares what people make stupid to do lists about. I never make to do lists. Because I'm smart enough to procrastinate.
Anyway, I want everybody to know the truth about you:
SASHA CAGEN IS A CRYBABY WHO EATS GROSS THINGS IN A MANNER THAT GROSSES OUT EVERYBODY AROUND HER. SHE THINKS SHE'S SMART BECAUSE SHE STARTED A ZINE BACK WHEN ZINES WERE ALL THE CRAZE BUT SHE'S REALLY JUST A STUPID NINCOMPOOP WHO SPENDS HER HOURS OBSESSIVELY HATING ON PEOPLE WHO SHE THINKS HAVE WRONGED HER. AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO TURN A BUCK OUT OF PIECES OF PAPER THAT PEOPLE SEND TO HER BECAUSE SHE SHAS NO OUNE OF CREATIVITY AND NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OF HER OWN. SHE WORE BIRKENSTOCKS IN COLLEGE UNTIL PEOPLE MADE FUN OF HER. SHE EATS GROSS THINGS THAT PEOPLE LEAVE BEHIND ON THEIR PLATES. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF SASHA CAGEN'S OWN TO-DO_LIST FROM TWELVE YEARS AGO:
1. EAT SOMETHING GROSS WITH MY FINGERS WHILE LEANING OVER ON MY CHAIR LIKE GOLUMN.
2. CRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DONE ME WRONG.
3. CRY ABOUT PERCEIVED SLIGHTS.
4. SAY THAT I'M BISEXUAL.
5. WRITE CRAZY TALK ABOUT BISEXUAL RIGHTS.
6. LAMELY TRY TO HURT PEOPLE TO MAKE UP FOR THE HURT I FELT.
7. TRANSFER TO BARNARD BECAUSE I'VE SHOT MY REPUTATION.
8. SPEND MY LIFE BEING USELESS AND ANNOYING UNTIL I CAN GET PAIDE FOR IT.
(not exactly in that order... results may vary)
HA HA HA HA. YOU'RE A BAD PERSON SASHA CAGEN!
Everybody else, you can listen in, too...
I don't know what kind of monkey pictures you have of Mr. Blogger, but it must be somethin' real hein... 'cus you know what... I go to login to my blog like just to obsessively hate on Chris "I feel like I'm back in Arabian Nights" Noth, when I find Mr. Blogger trying to send me not only to consult your stupid To-Do_List blog, but they also want me to buy your book. Why? Who cares what people make stupid to do lists about. I never make to do lists. Because I'm smart enough to procrastinate.
Anyway, I want everybody to know the truth about you:
SASHA CAGEN IS A CRYBABY WHO EATS GROSS THINGS IN A MANNER THAT GROSSES OUT EVERYBODY AROUND HER. SHE THINKS SHE'S SMART BECAUSE SHE STARTED A ZINE BACK WHEN ZINES WERE ALL THE CRAZE BUT SHE'S REALLY JUST A STUPID NINCOMPOOP WHO SPENDS HER HOURS OBSESSIVELY HATING ON PEOPLE WHO SHE THINKS HAVE WRONGED HER. AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO TURN A BUCK OUT OF PIECES OF PAPER THAT PEOPLE SEND TO HER BECAUSE SHE SHAS NO OUNE OF CREATIVITY AND NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS OF HER OWN. SHE WORE BIRKENSTOCKS IN COLLEGE UNTIL PEOPLE MADE FUN OF HER. SHE EATS GROSS THINGS THAT PEOPLE LEAVE BEHIND ON THEIR PLATES. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF SASHA CAGEN'S OWN TO-DO_LIST FROM TWELVE YEARS AGO:
1. EAT SOMETHING GROSS WITH MY FINGERS WHILE LEANING OVER ON MY CHAIR LIKE GOLUMN.
2. CRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DONE ME WRONG.
3. CRY ABOUT PERCEIVED SLIGHTS.
4. SAY THAT I'M BISEXUAL.
5. WRITE CRAZY TALK ABOUT BISEXUAL RIGHTS.
6. LAMELY TRY TO HURT PEOPLE TO MAKE UP FOR THE HURT I FELT.
7. TRANSFER TO BARNARD BECAUSE I'VE SHOT MY REPUTATION.
8. SPEND MY LIFE BEING USELESS AND ANNOYING UNTIL I CAN GET PAIDE FOR IT.
(not exactly in that order... results may vary)
HA HA HA HA. YOU'RE A BAD PERSON SASHA CAGEN!
Happy Frickin' Birthday You Stupid Jerk
It's that time of year when all the Jeroen Krabbe haters pay hommage to the man whose villainy walks in the guise of Perfect Mandom:
"I feel like I'm back in the Arabian Nights!" Like hell you do, Jerk! When were you ever in the Arabian Nights, buddy?
I hate you!
ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!
(you just made me burn my hot and sour soup you ___hole)
"I feel like I'm back in the Arabian Nights!" Like hell you do, Jerk! When were you ever in the Arabian Nights, buddy?
I hate you!
ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!
(you just made me burn my hot and sour soup you ___hole)
20071102
Kevin Durant is the Shit
Kevin Durant has given Michelle Shocked something to be shocked about again. Talk about Red Hot and Blue! Durant was looking all of that Thursday night -- except he was in green and not blue -- as he put the ball through the hole more times than my head has been dunked under for a chocolate swirlie.
As everybody knows, after Law IV, Joakim Noah, Dominic McGuire, Nick Young and Al Horford, Jeff Green and Kevin Durant have always been my favorite rookies. Well, they both made some noise in Seattle last night. (Except noone could hear it 'cus it was Supersonic -- get it?) Even after Doug "Destroy Kwame Brown's self-esteem for life" Collins took expectations down a notch, saying stuff like inDurantz (shhh... I'm seeing if it will catch on) was too young to carry the load in the fourth quarter, he still sank a three and a two back to back, making you believe that a run was possible. More than that, though, is the way he just looked cold doing it. Now I know that the Suns don't actually have anyone to put a body on the rook. Nevertheless, it looks like he and his buddy Jeff will be playing for rings a few years out... just hoping it won't be in the OK.
Meanwhile, Amare is still competing with Gilbert for the name of my first born son. I'm liking Gilbert's chances if he pulls out another last second three tonight against the Celtics... and sending the game to overtime doesn't count.
As everybody knows, after Law IV, Joakim Noah, Dominic McGuire, Nick Young and Al Horford, Jeff Green and Kevin Durant have always been my favorite rookies. Well, they both made some noise in Seattle last night. (Except noone could hear it 'cus it was Supersonic -- get it?) Even after Doug "Destroy Kwame Brown's self-esteem for life" Collins took expectations down a notch, saying stuff like inDurantz (shhh... I'm seeing if it will catch on) was too young to carry the load in the fourth quarter, he still sank a three and a two back to back, making you believe that a run was possible. More than that, though, is the way he just looked cold doing it. Now I know that the Suns don't actually have anyone to put a body on the rook. Nevertheless, it looks like he and his buddy Jeff will be playing for rings a few years out... just hoping it won't be in the OK.
Meanwhile, Amare is still competing with Gilbert for the name of my first born son. I'm liking Gilbert's chances if he pulls out another last second three tonight against the Celtics... and sending the game to overtime doesn't count.
Procrastination never felt so good
OK. Thanks for taking care of the update, Jew. Just so they no, stupid, that I'm the guy with the nice chest and not the dumb goof with the paddle.
Our lengthy absence explained...
The below audiovisual aid should offer a full debrief on how Monkey and I have spent the past four months.
Oh, and by the way, you'll notice that there is no appearance made in the 3 some-odd minutes of footage provided of the lovely twin Austrian milkmaids, Dagmar and Heidi. Let's just say that their loveliness is now a thing of the past in our minds -- like Stendhal's famous branch now bereft of salt crystals. They said they wanted us to see Oktoberfest in Kitzbuhel... how could we have known...
Oh, and by the way, you'll notice that there is no appearance made in the 3 some-odd minutes of footage provided of the lovely twin Austrian milkmaids, Dagmar and Heidi. Let's just say that their loveliness is now a thing of the past in our minds -- like Stendhal's famous branch now bereft of salt crystals. They said they wanted us to see Oktoberfest in Kitzbuhel... how could we have known...
20070704
Restoring America's Pride
Serious props to Joey Chestnut for restoring America's most coveted sports title to its rightful place!
20070701
Genius vs Genius
Not to be overshadowed by Thursday's atrocious Supreme Court decisions...
the debate continues among sports fans over who is more of a genius: Ernie Grunfeld for picking up key bench points and a tough, battle-tested shot blocker and rebounder in, respectively, Nick Young and Dominic McGuire -- two players who will nicely complement the Hibachi cookout in DC; or Steve Kerr for his acquisition of two "Matrix" caliber players in Alando Tucker and D.J. Strawberry.
Meanwhile, sartorial-minded ballers (who regret that sparkplug Frenchie big-man Joakim Noah has to begin his career with the turncoat, emo Chicago Bulls) will be thinking of a different competition, is Joakim Noah in formal wear better dressed than (Lay down the) Law IV in those awesome new Hawks jerseys? (photos to come)
I guess, I'm upset with the Bulls, 'cus I kind of really wanted to see sparkplug Frenchie big-man running the floor with Adam "That 70s Show" Morrison. Such a roster move probably would have enabled Jordan to convince Dr. Funk to come out of retirement...
the debate continues among sports fans over who is more of a genius: Ernie Grunfeld for picking up key bench points and a tough, battle-tested shot blocker and rebounder in, respectively, Nick Young and Dominic McGuire -- two players who will nicely complement the Hibachi cookout in DC; or Steve Kerr for his acquisition of two "Matrix" caliber players in Alando Tucker and D.J. Strawberry.
Meanwhile, sartorial-minded ballers (who regret that sparkplug Frenchie big-man Joakim Noah has to begin his career with the turncoat, emo Chicago Bulls) will be thinking of a different competition, is Joakim Noah in formal wear better dressed than (Lay down the) Law IV in those awesome new Hawks jerseys? (photos to come)
I guess, I'm upset with the Bulls, 'cus I kind of really wanted to see sparkplug Frenchie big-man running the floor with Adam "That 70s Show" Morrison. Such a roster move probably would have enabled Jordan to convince Dr. Funk to come out of retirement...
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