Experience versus Leadership

What, did you not hear that the Hornets blew out the Mavs for the second game in a row?
Wait... I thought the Mavs awesome playoff experience and J-Kidd steering was supposed to dominate in this series... Come to think of it, Dirk does look a lot like Hillary...

Chris Paul victorious!
New Orleans rises again!

OMFG That's Pathetic!

I can't tell who's more pathetic:
The Wizards or Jenny
I mean the Cavs were gonna let the Wizards back in, and instead, they emptied out their garbage all over Quicken Loans arena... Now they're getting played like Nate Archibald (and I don't mean TINY) got played by Dan's li'l sis'...

So far, no one's come out (my bet is on the above-pictured Jenny due to her just giving up any chance of ever getting nasty with Nate) on Gossip Girl, but they have announced the new Evil Serena Doppelganger figure to be played by Michelle Trachtenburgh, but known to us only by the evocative letter "G"...
At least someone knows how to create suspense!

Job opening at TNT?

Marv Albert just tells Reggie: "Now, Reggie, of course me trying to talk about rap music is like the Tsar (sp?) trying to talk about French literature!"

So, does that mean NBA on TNT is looking for someone to talk about French literature doing game commentary? I'm your man, people. Call me!

By the way, does Marv talk about French literature? Why didn't he just compare his talking about rap like his talking about French literature... or has he been keeping that secret to maintain his cred? Of course, I don't want to start a discussion here about Marv's cred... that could turn ugly, quick.

Wizards-Cavs Update

End of Quarter 1: Lebron again gets a fingernail stuck between his front teeth. What's up with that? If it's always so painful, he might want to quit biting his nails...

Wizards look crisp and tough, except when letting Lebron into the lane and when they miss a bunch of free throws to let the Cavs open up a five point lead at the end of the quarter.

NBA Playoff Turk-Watch: Memo gegen Hedo, Rd 1

Mehmet Okur and Hidayet Turkoglu are now each at the Uludag of their games. Their teams are fighting for playoff respect. On the road to a sampiyonsip, one question must be answered: Which Turkish baller would make Ataturk most proud...
So far,
Memo has 4 points on 2 for 8 shooting with 8 rebounds, 3 assists and 2 turnovers in 32 minutes during the Jazz's game 1 win.















Meanwhile, in the Magic's In-grown Toronto-nailing, Hedo scored 21 points on 9 for 15 shooting, adding 6 dimes and 6 boards in his 38 minutes.

Round 1: Hedo

3-20

That's what the Wizards shot from the floor in the 4th quarter. Hmm... What would Denny Green say?

Feeling numb?

After that last, game-tying trey, I am given to speculate as to whether or not Deshawn Stevenson can feel his face...

The reason Lebron bites...

... his nails: No cure yet found for Steven A. Smith and Bill Walton.

U-G-L-Y

End of 1st half --
Cavs get David Stern bonus points to even out the score...
Cleveland highlights leagues UGLIEST players: Delonte West and Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

Mathematics

Agent Zero gives the Cavs a lesson in mathematics, as he reviews his exponential tables: drains 3 3s in a row....

Playoffs, Baby, Playoffs!

One quarter down: Agent Zero drains an impossible 3 as time runs down.
Lebron gets one of his fingernails caught between his teeth; cries for a foul; gets a timeout instead...

Back from Switzerland

As you may be able to tell from the post before last, I have returned from Switzerland with some small success. Most of the negatives had been -- alas -- overexposed. But I was able to salvage a couple of items from my collection.

All, in all, however, it's been kind of a tough day... First, getting over jetlag... Then having to wake up Easter morning without Johnny Hart to remind me of my own personal responsibility in killing Jesus... or my quaint, superseded faith (see below)


It is unfortunate, however, that one brilliant Easter comic strip (2001) should outshine the work of a lifetime, such that it is now somewhat challenging to find the many many many examples of Mr. Hart's theological insights in several years of Easter, Palm Sunday, X-Mas and whenever strips. But such is the price of prolific genius!

Then, of course, there was the pain of seeing Hibbert's Hoya's get bounced from the tournament -- and by the eminently likeable Stephen Curry, too!

But then, like a miracle cure to a Hoya hangover, I was able to watch the entire Pistons-Wizards match-up this evening, and beam with pride and wonderment at how amazingly efficient the DC half-court offense has become. It's a testament to what a brilliant coach Eddie Jordan is!

But -- whew -- that long flight has really done me in... I'll have to try to throw in some more on the Wizards' victory tomorrow.

Monkey's March Madness: The Bracket!!!!!!

Yikes! It was almost... too... late...
But the bracket is finished. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUBLISH IT!!!!!!!
So, here are my findings, using the patented "ASM Funny Name tie-break plus Senior Guards" formula.
Starting with first round upsets
In the East:
(9) St. Joe's over (8) Oklahoma
(10) South Alabama over (7) Butler

In the South:
(9) Oregon over (8) the Runnin' Rebels
(10) St. Mary's over (7) Miami

In the West:
(9) Texas A&M over (8) BYU
(10) Arizona over (7) West Virginia
(11) Baylor over (6) Purdue

Sweet Sixteen
In the East:
UNC, Notre Dame, Louisville, Tennessee
In the Midwest:
Kansas, Vanderbilt, USC, Georgetown
In the South:
Memphis, Michigan State, Marquette, Texas
In the West:
UCLA, U-Conn., Xavier, Arizona

Elite Eight
UNC and Louisville (watch for Padgett-Hansbrough deathmatch)
Vandy and Georgetown (Hold the Mayo; Self destructs)
Memphis and Texas (Hey Mr. D.J., pon de replay)
U-Conn and Xavier (Mbah a Moute gets no Love from Hasheem Thabeet, Musket fire nips Wildcats in the Budinger)

Final Four
Louisville (In the end, it's a question of Caracter)
Georgetown (Hoya D has Commodores building "Brick House")
Texas (Tigers get "Lost" in Abrams' production)
Xavier (Musketeers' heart skips Thabeet; no Iditarod victory in Phoenix for Huskies)

And the WINNER IS...
Obviously, Hibbert!!!!!!!!! and Hoyas hook Horns 74-63!

What kind of bagel was Hibbert eating?

ESPN just announced that Hibbert obtained a season high in points (25) and grabbed 13 rebounds on the way to trouncing West Virginia in the Big East tourney seminfinal -- AFTER EATING A BAGEL yesterday! What kind of bagel was it? It must have been very good.

Lebron Bites

As I predicted, Caron Butler returned to take part in the Wizards' triumph in a nail biter over the Cavs last night! The Wizards are finally back at .500, as they should be, and look poised to make a run for the 5-spot in the East. James' 3 attempt clanged out as time ran out, and it is likely he'll be seeing Deshawn's hand in his face in his nightmares for days to come.
Who's got next? Oh... the Clippers. Bring 'em ON!

See you Tonite!

HE'S BAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIBBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Part 2)

Okay, I meant to repost earlier, but I just became enamored of dialing up this site and seeing that KICK-A** photo of Hibbert at the top of the page. Let me savor it just a little bit longer...

HIBBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How AWESOME is this! Hibbert's Hoya's just opened a can o' whup'ass on the Cardinals and Pitino. (Albeit by 3 points)
Next up, same place, later time: Andray, Antawn and Antonio are gonna CONCUSS the Bobcats tonite!
That's right, Monkey and I are taking a break out of our busy book tour schedule to go see our first Wizards game in about four years. I am so excited, coffee is just calming me down.

By the way, thanks, Monkey, for holding my hair back last night.

Also by the way, free T-shirt to anyone who comes up with a plan as to how the Wizards can end up with Hibbert next season.

Hawks versus Wizards

Something said at the end of the nail-biting Wizards loss to the Hawks at Verizon Center on Friday brought a tear of nostalgia to my eye.
Mr. guy-talking-about-the-game for SportSouth said that this was the first time the Hawks beat the Wizards in DC since April 2003 when they won eighty-some to 78. Well, all of a sudden it hit me that I was there when that happened and reminded me of how far we have come since those days, bringing in Agent Zero and Caron "The Butler Did It"... Come back soon guys...

Kevin Durant is the Shit

Kevin Durant has given Michelle Shocked something to be shocked about again. Talk about Red Hot and Blue! Durant was looking all of that Thursday night -- except he was in green and not blue -- as he put the ball through the hole more times than my head has been dunked under for a chocolate swirlie.

As everybody knows, after Law IV, Joakim Noah, Dominic McGuire, Nick Young and Al Horford, Jeff Green and Kevin Durant have always been my favorite rookies. Well, they both made some noise in Seattle last night. (Except noone could hear it 'cus it was Supersonic -- get it?) Even after Doug "Destroy Kwame Brown's self-esteem for life" Collins took expectations down a notch, saying stuff like inDurantz (shhh... I'm seeing if it will catch on) was too young to carry the load in the fourth quarter, he still sank a three and a two back to back, making you believe that a run was possible. More than that, though, is the way he just looked cold doing it. Now I know that the Suns don't actually have anyone to put a body on the rook. Nevertheless, it looks like he and his buddy Jeff will be playing for rings a few years out... just hoping it won't be in the OK.

Meanwhile, Amare is still competing with Gilbert for the name of my first born son. I'm liking Gilbert's chances if he pulls out another last second three tonight against the Celtics... and sending the game to overtime doesn't count.